Give Yourself Grace

Some days, I take stock of my idols, my sins, my selfish desires, and I am awash in disappointment. I tell myself, “I must do better” or “Tomorrow, I will start a new prayer and devotional routine.” And when I ultimately fail to do better and all routines fall apart, I admonish myself for being a terrible Christian. God’s grace, so abundant, is given faster than the grace that I grant myself. 

By my measure, sanctification comes far too slowly. I want Christlikeness now. At times, I feel like I am ready, and my expectations rise to the measure of near perfection. Such expectations lead to cycles of disappointment, discouragement, and self-doubt. Then such emotions, in turn, lead to unhealthy, perhaps sinful, coping mechanisms to distract me from the realization that I am not as good as I want to be. I constantly disappoint myself with my own sinfulness. 

As followers of Christ, we are called to holiness, but the pursuit thereof cannot turn into an expectation of sinless perfection. Holding such an expectation is not only impossible, but also spiritually harmful. When we set out expecting to live a day without sin, we believe our own righteousness can compete with that of Christ. When we insist on our own perfection, we deny our need for God’s grace, seeking instead a Pharisaic salvation. Paul, the ex-Pharisee, knew better. He cried out “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” and then answered his own question: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24–25)

Like the Israelites in the wilderness, our lives should be humbly dependent on God. God has given us grace, and therefore we can also give it to ourselves. Freed from the despair that comes with the expectation of our own sinless perfection, we can rest in Christ’s finished work. Walking in faith, confident in grace, repentance will come more quickly and frequently. 

So on those days when your sinfulness is most apparent, do not forget to give yourself the grace God has given you. Our expectation is not perfection, only humble surrender at the foot of the cross.

Your brother in Christ,

Thomas Goodrich